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Caring for Elderly Parents Catches ManyUnprepared
Last July, Julie Baldocchi's mother had a massive stroke(中风)and was paralyzed. Baldocchisuddenly had to become a family caregiver, something that she wasn't preparedfor.
"I was flying by the seat of my pants," says Baldocchi,an employment specialist in San Francisco. Both of her parents are 83, and sheknew her father couldn't handle her mother's care.
The hospital recommended putting her mother in a nursing home.Baldocchi wasn't willing to do that. But moving her back into her parents' homecreated other problems.
Baldocchi, 48, is married and lives about a mile away from herparents. She has a full-time job and has back problems that make it difficultfor her to lift her mother. "I couldn't do it all," she says."But I didn't even know how to find help. "
With help from the Family Caregiver Alliance, she eventually hireda live-in caregiver. "But even if you plan intellectually and legally,you're never ready for the emotional impact," Baldocchi says. In the firsttwo months after her mother's stroke, she lost about 30 pounds as stressmounted.
More than 42 million Americans provide family care giving for anadult who needs help with daily activities, according to a 2009 survey by theAARP. An additional 61.6 million provided at least some care during the year.
And many are unprepared.
Starting with the paperwork
While many parents lack an advance care directive, it's the mostbasic and important step they can take. The directive includes several parts,including: a durable power of attorney(授权书),which gives someonelegal authority to make financial decisions on another's behalf; a health careproxy(代理委托书),which is similar tothe power of attorney, except it allows someone to make decisions regardingmedical treatment; and a living will that outlines instructions for end-of-lifecare. (For example, parents can say if they want to be kept alive by artificialmeasures.)
"It's invaluable for the kids, because it's hard to makethose decisions for a parent," says Jennifer Cona, an elder-law attorneyat Genser & Cona in Melville, N.Y..
An advance care directive is the first line of defense if asituation arises, says Kathleen Kelly, executive director of the FamilyCaregiver Alliance, which supports and educates caregivers. Without an advancedirective, the family will have to petition the court to be appointed theparent's legal guardian, says AgingCare. com.
It's important for families to talk about long-term care so theadult children know their parents' preferences,wishes and goals, says LynnFeinberg, a caregiving expert at AARP. But it's not an easy conversation.
Elderly parents are sometimes suspicious of their children'sfinancial motives, says Susan John, a financial planner at Financial Focus inWolfeboro, N.H.. One client asked John to hold a family meeting because they neededan intermediary to talk about financial issues, she says.
And when there are many siblings(兄弟姐妹),the familydecisions can become a three-ring circus with much acrimony(尖刻),says Ann-Margaret Carrozza, an elder-lawattorney in Glen Cove, N.Y..
Families who need information and help sorting out disagreementscan call on elder-law attorneys, financial planners, geriatric(老年人的)care managers and care giversupport,rouos. In February, AARP said it will offer its members a newcaregiving support service through financial services firm Genworth. Navigatingthe long-term care system
Many families are unprepared for quick decisions, especially whenthey find out that Medicare doesn't pay for long-term care, Feinberg says.
The median cost of a year in a private room at a nursing home in2011 was $77,745, according to Genworth.
And only those who have spent most of their assets can qualify forMedicaid to pay for the nursing home.
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